dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
