I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
