And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
