Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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