Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
