i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
