I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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