He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
