No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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