Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
