btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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