So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
