so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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