I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's get the cat blown out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
