Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
