A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
