dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
