Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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