you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
