At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
