Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
