Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
