you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
