yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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