Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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