At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
