she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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