I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
