I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
