hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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