I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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