Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
