So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
