i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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