Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
