I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
