I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
