you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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