Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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