I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
