I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
