what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also, beer. Big fan.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
