508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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