I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
