my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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