Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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