just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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