HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
