the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
