I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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