I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
