What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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