had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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