I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
